Married to the wrong sex Essay Example

Married to the wrong sex Essay Name Course Instructor Date We will write a custom essay sample on Married to the wrong sex specifically for you for only $16.38 $13.9/page Order now We will write a custom essay sample on Married to the wrong sex specifically for you FOR ONLY $16.38 $13.9/page Hire Writer We will write a custom essay sample on Married to the wrong sex specifically for you FOR ONLY $16.38 $13.9/page Hire Writer Married to the wrong sex Marriage is a significant social institution. Many people marry for different reasons, and the engagement of two individuals into a union of marriage takes place regularly. Marriage between two individuals also depends on a variety of factors. These factors bring the two people together into one common union. For many, marriage takes place when the two individuals realize they have known each other well and for a significant amount of time. However, couples who claim to discover the true character and personality of their spouse is not a rare case. Homosexuality has been an essential debate in marriage. The discrimination and controversy surrounding the issue has led many people to lead secret lives. Many men and women hide their sexuality and enter into heterosexual relationships. These relationships are designed to help the person live according to the conservative standards of a marriage. However, they maintain the homosexual relations with their partners. This issue has become p revalent in many households and has been a breaking point for the marriages. Homosexuality has been an issue of controversy since time immemorial. Society has always defined sex and sexual orientation in the most traditional and conservative manner. Religion has always viewed the act as sin and discredited homosexual marriages in religious places. Many people therefore grow with the established perceptions on homosexuality. Radicals and liberalists have attempted to change the status quo (Connors, 56). These radicals are also disregarded and their ideology overanalyzed. However, perceptions of gay and lesbian couples are slowly changing. Legalists and human rights have forged a war to safeguard the rights of homosexuals. This group of people is slowly being integrated and accepted in society. Marriage as defined by society should be heterosexual. Heterosexual marriages are considered the â€Å"normal† thing for couples. Some homosexuals dent their sexual preference to enter the conservative marriage structure. Therefore, they opt for having a wife or husband and raising a family with children. This option has proven difficult for many individuals. These people are locked into a dilemma whether they are actually happy with their choice or they should retreat to their former lifestyles. Such dilemmas ultimately affect their relations and commitment to their spouse. Research undertaken by the Family Pride Coalition reveals up to 20 percent of the gay men in America are engaged in heterosexual marriages. These statistics also includes women. Research on women however is not conclusive and their number could be more. This is because women numbers are difficult to attain and decipher because there is no clear understanding on women’s sexuality. Such statistics not only reveal the reality in America but also other countries across the globe. Many people might overlook the notion that gay people actually enter into homosexual marriages but these people are living secret gay lifestyles. However, their spouses are unaware of their sexual orientation (Cothran, 132). These marriages can therefore be defined to be a hiding place for many homosexuals. There are people who deny themselves their sexual desires and preserve the unity of the family. These people are therefore lost in a myriad of desires and disillusionment. Those enter into heterosexual marriages may never experience their true happiness. They might lead miserable lives feeling like they are lying to themselves. On the other hand, others claim that it is the right thing to do and follow the norms of society. There are homosexuals that have contained themselves in heterosexual marriages, desert their lifestyles for the sake of standards in society, and maintain the family unit. There are sections of homosexuals who marry the opposite sex but still engage in homosexual relations. Couples married to these people can therefore be defined to be â€Å"married to the wrong sex.† Their spouses are not always aware that the people they love or know so much might not be who they claim to be. Most of the people involved in such unions claim they are under pressure to do so. Religious leaders have voiced their opinion against gay and lesbian unions. They claim it is sinful. Religious leaders began addressing the issue of homosexuality in the early 1970s and the debate intensified in the years that followed to date. Mainline clergy have played important roles in establishing the terms and conditions for the debate (Olson, et. al.) Therefore, homosexuals evaluate their options and decide not to be on the wrong end of religion. With the choice to marry, normally they are welcomed in church and treated like the rest of the congregation. They are given the opportunity to lead â€Å"normal religious† lives without fear of condemnation. The consequences of revealing homosexuality among religious people has seen many people face discrimination or chased away from religious gatherings. Some clergy and religious leaders who have shown support to homosexuality have also been denied their positions in religious engagements (Olson, et. al.). Homosexuals also face extreme pressure from society. People have mixed perceptions towards homosexuality. Society also incorporates the notion of religion that homosexuality is evil. Therefore, many people view homosexuals as an â€Å"abnormal† group of people. Therefore, homosexuals submit to the pressure by society and enter into heterosexuals marriages. The high level of discrimination of gays and lesbians is a driving force towards â€Å"normal† marriages. Homosexual couples in states like Canada and America have cited increased discrimination by other normal couples. These couples are discriminated in their neighborhoods and other social engagements involving couples. Discrimination at the social level also extends to their families and friends. Some homosexual couples have been denied association from family and friends. The alienation from close people is a major fear for many homosexuals leading them to opt for heterosexual marriages. Parental knowledge of the child’s sexual orientation is important. However, parents whose children are gay or lesbian face many challenges in accepting their children as homosexuals (D’Augelli, et. al.). Some parents understand their children’s sexual orientation and accept them. However, there are parents who will carry out numerous procedures, tests and counseling sessions to correct their child’s orientation. Corrective measures are difficult on the child who ends up conforming to the standards of the parent. Sexual orientation disclosure among many youths is stressful and many are unsure of the implications their revelation will have on their families. Young people who disclose to their families their status face victimization and ill treatment. Young people who do not reveal to their families their orientation face less victimization and could secretly engage in homosexual relationships (D’Augelli, et.al.). Therefore, these people grow up leading secret homosexual lives and marry according to the desires of their family. However, they still have homosexual partners and lifelong relationships with them. The article by Jodi Shaw, â€Å"Married to the wrong sex† is a revelation for many married people or those considering marriage. The article shares the story of a gay man, Brady who is married and has a child. Brady shares his story on why he is in a marriage that is not of his orientation. Brady represents the increasing number of homosexuals that are in heterosexual relationships. Brady just like most gay men does not want to be treated the way conservatives treat homosexuals. He therefore escapes the stigma by marrying and having a child. He even says that he does not want to be treated like â€Å"one of them,† (Shaw). Homosexuality was decriminalized in the 1969 in Canada. Homosexuals have been on a steady upsurge to be treated as equal individuals by the state. Their demand on equal rights is to be allowed to get married under the formal state system and laws like heterosexuals. The controversy reached its peak in 2005. The House of Commons authorized gay marriages. Ultimately, same sex marriage was made legal in Canada. The law was to be enacted in all Canadian territories and provinces. Brady had been married two years before the legalization. He states that the law provides many closet gays and lesbians to have their legal right and freedom. Therefore, Brady has the opportunity to marry in his own right according to the law. However, according to Brady, this legal right is still impossible in the social arena. He is a Christian and goes to church regularly. His family and that of his wife has strong Christian beliefs. Despite religious perceptions towards homosexuals that they do not have a strong religious standing, Brady also has strong beliefs. These Christian beliefs also integrate the view of Christianity towards homosexuality. Christianity has always been against homosexuality and Brady feels that he will face the challenges of being a homosexual under such circumstances. Many antagonists of homosexuality believe that it is a threat to the traditional definition of marriage. This traditional marriage is a family comprising of a husband, wife and children. The homosexual family system therefore is â€Å"unnatural† according to conservatives. Brady’s hidden orientation also began when he was younger when he dated girls to conform to the system of society in terms of relationships. Just like many gay men, he felt under pressure to marry his wife Laura (Shaw). He believes that their marriage is a fraud. Marriage is purposed for procreation and many believe homosexuality is a hazard to social structures and future generations. However, other issues threaten marriage. Divorce, infertility and adultery are also dangerous to marriage. The number of marriage divorces has been on an upward trend. These statistics according to analysts is also set to increase over time. Infertility leads to the lack of children who are important in the family. Adultery on the other hand can lead to divorce, which is a limitation to marriage. In addition, homosexuals can have families through adoption, surrogates and other fertility methods. The perception of traditional marriage is questioned by the gay and lesbian community. In conclusion, equal rights are guaranteed for all people within a state in the constitution. Lesbians and gays should also have equal rights. Discrimination against these groups of people at the work place, in religious settings and other areas is denial of human rights. Such tendencies by society have driven homosexuals to accept the notion of heterosexual marriage at the expense of their happiness. It is therefore important for society to reach out to them and accept their sexual orientation. The fight for equal rights has progressed as discrimination against them has reduced and only a section of conservatives is against homosexuality. However, every person holds their right to happiness hiding in heterosexual marriages has many implications on those involved. The spouse might discover the truth and might question their role in the companionship. Feelings of betrayal and emotional disconnect for the spouse may cause psychological distress. The ultimate outcome will be divorce and resentment. It is therefore important for people to consider their options when engaging in heterosexual marriages and having secret homosexual relations. Work cited Connors, Paul G. Homosexuality. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2008. Print. Cothran, Helen. Homosexuality. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2003. Print. D’Augelli, Anthony, Arnold Grossman and Michael Starks. â€Å"Parents’ awareness of lesbian, gay and bisexual youths’ sexual orientation.† Journal of Marriage and Family. 67.2. (2005). Web. 22 November 2012. Olson, Laura and Wendy Cadge. â€Å"Talking about homosexuality: The views of mainline protestant clergy.† Journal of the scientific study of religion.41.1. (2002). Web. 22 November 2012. Shaw, Jodi. â€Å"Married to the wrong sex.† The Tyee. Feb 2006. Web. 22 October 2012.